


Bless The Child

by QuestionableCorrosion



Category: End Roll (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 22:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8119945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuestionableCorrosion/pseuds/QuestionableCorrosion
Summary: "Y'know what they call this? 'Karma.'" 
Russell returns from the monster's nest, and not empty-handed.





	

**Author's Note:**

> And that's all she wrote.
> 
> Special shout-out to all the awesome people in the End Roll fandom, and Nightwish for the fic title and oddly fitting background music.

The baby was sleeping peacefully.

It had cried earlier, while Russell had been fighting his way into the heart of the monster's lair, but had made no fuss during the deadly struggle right by its cradle. Not even the sight of Russell looming over it, the bloody knife he had used against his mother still in hand, had renewed its screams. There it lay, swaddled so tightly nothing but it face and the lower part of its bald head showed. It was perfectly still: Russell couldn't even see its chest moving as it breathed.

Maybe it wasn't breathing.

That would be fitting, a part of Russell that had detached itself from him at his mother's parting words thought. With his surroundings corrupted beyond recognition, the corpses of the townspeople strewn on the corridors of the lair, and the Dreamsend workers escaping the collapsing world, odds were Russell was the only person left alive in the dream.

It was painful, he knew, so painful it was about to crush him, but somehow he only felt numb. It seemed he had felt so much he had no more room left to feel; his final expedition had left him so drained that all the emotions he had strived so hard to learn during the past several days simply gave up, registering in his mind without the accompanying sensations. A welcome blessing, though no doubt a temporary one: he was sure it would all come crashing back when he least expected it. They were still there, his guilt foremost, bubbling just beneath the surface, ready to burst into the open and destroy him. He couldn't bring himself to care. There was no fighting it, anyway.

He meant to leave, but his legs felt like stone: and so he stood here, in the soft glow of several identical foot-lamps, ignoring the filth and distortion surrounding him, and the mounting realisation that it was all over now, that he had reached the end of the dream, that there wasn't a single speck of hope or comfort left to find in this once so cosy world which he had never deserved.

Dreamily, he raised his free hand, and slowly reached out for the baby. It was swaddled with such care, the distant part of him pointed out, in pristine white cloth. Had his parents ever actually treated him that well?

His fingers brushed the baby's face. Immediately, the baby shifted, and Russell could see its eyelashes fluttering gently. Russell pulled his hand away, and it settled back down, sinking back into deep sleep.

Alive, then. Alive and ready to grow up to live a life of sin. There was probably little difference between having a mother who couldn't love you and no mother at all.

Of course, it wasn't going to live in the first place. It would vanish with the rest of Russell's world, assuming it didn't die of deprivation before then. No point pretending it had a future.

Russell's right hand, the one holding the knife, twitched.

Time stopped.

Russell blinked, then shoved the knife in his pocket and crouched over the cradle. Gingerly, he scooped the baby up in his arms, and held it against his chest. It weighed more than he had expected, and his shoulder, having received a nasty blow during the fight, caused him to briefly falter as he tried to figure out how to hold it correctly, but it — no, he — remained mercifully asleep.

Russell stood in place for several minutes, getting used to the burden in his arms. He held the baby closer to his body, feeling its tiny heart beat against his own.

Slowly, he turned and exited the room. He didn't look back.

 

* * *

 

The corpses were gone from the corridor, replaced by grotesque puppets with eerie grins painted on their faces. Russell steered clear of them as he walked past them.

The faces in the faded photographs stared at him as he walked by them. He ignored them and pressed on.

The intersections of the nest all looked the same to him. His feet remembered the correct path by themselves, and he obeyed them.

The sun had set by the time he stepped outside. The air was crisp and strangely warm, like June air in September. Russell half expected it to rouse him from his stupor, but his heart felt just as empty as it had in the musty air inside.

He heard the lair collapse behind him. He didn't bother to look. He readjusted the burden in his arms and kept going.

The distant part of him spotted the informant standing where the wooden cross had stood, staring with his mouth hanging open. Russell passed by him without a word. He ought to have said something, the distant part of him felt, but no words came.

He walked through the Incarnation Market, past the fairy lights and the flickering Incarners floating in the air.

He walked down the path to town. No Nightmares waiting to destroy him that night. They had probably given up on the world, too.

Now that he was rapidly approaching the town, the distant part of him, which seemed quite a bit more aware of the situation than the rest of him, wondered what he would find there. The corpses he had seen were more than illusions, but whether his friends were all truly gone or not remained to be seen. It was quite possible he was about to walk into a ghost town, or just as possible he would see nothing out of ordinary.

It didn't matter. The hollow part of Russell, the one actually moving his body and making his decisions, had one mission in mind: taking the baby to the town. And then what? It hadn't thought that far. It wasn't thinking at all, as Russell tried very hard not to think. It merely focused on a single task, pouring all that was left of his will to it, steering clear of anything that might make the dam inside him burst and drown him before he had finished.

As soon as he set foot into the village, the baby, who had slept so peacefully the whole way there, began to wail, his tiny face scrunching up and turning red. Russell took several more steps until he stood in front of the information shop, then paused, waiting for his feet to make his next decision for him.

One by one, the doors to the mayor's house, Yumi's house, and the church slammed open. Russell looked on without really seeing his friends emerging outside and walking towards him.

"O-oh my..." Mireille, who had the most direct line of sight to Russell and the baby, halted dead in her tracks and brought a hand to her mouth. "I-I'll be right back!" She gathered her hems in her hands and rushed back inside, no doubt hurrying to tell the mayor the news.

By then, Yumi had made her way to Russell, with one hand on her hip and her usual air of cheery confidence. "Makin' a proper racket, innit?" Despite the baby's screams, she leaned in closer to get a better look at him. "Got healthy lungs if nothin' else."

"Just a second, Russell!" Dogma was there too, looking anxious. "If you hold a child like that, it won't receive the necessary support on its neck!"

Yumi grinned. "Good thing we've got an expert here, then."

"I've held them before, that's all. Now, Russell, simply—"

"Here," Russell interrupted him, speaking for the first time in what felt like years. He raised the crying child towards Dogma. He had barely felt the weight during his trek back to town, but now his arms were starting to ache. "Take him."

"Oh." Dogma closed his eyes and grimaced. "...Well, if you insist." When Russell unloaded the child into his arms, he immediately re-adjusted his position. "Its head needs to be...just so. And that should be fine."

And whether it had actually worked, or the baby had merely cried his lungs empty and had to pause to breathe, a blessed silence fell. The creases around the baby's shut eyes smoothed out, and it went still once more.

"There." Dogma looked down at the dozing child with what was almost a smile.

"Yeah, that's better," said Yumi with a quick sigh. She slightly bend her knees and smiled at the child. "Is there anythin' else it needs? I don't know much about babies. Aren't my territory, y'know."

Dogma frowned. "I'm afraid the same is true for me. Perhaps Mireille will know."

Yumi's smile twisted into smirk. "Shucks, and here I thought you knew your baby stuff, what with all that talk about how to hold one."

It was sometimes difficult for Russell to make out the exact emotion behind Dogma's expressions, but what he sported then was clearly a pout. "I've held children before to baptise them, not to look after them!"

Yumi laughed. "Just joshing ya. Anyway," she then turned her attention towards Russell. "Where'd you find this kid? The monster's nest?"

Russell shrugged. Before he was forced to think of a proper answer, Mireille returned outside and rushed towards them.

"I-I told the mayor about the baby," she said breathlessly. "He thinks...we should all hold a meeting together...so we can decide what to do."

Yumi nodded. "Makes sense to me. We need to find its parents."

"He doesn't have parents," said Russell without thinking. The distant part of him heard the baby begin Round Two of his screaming match in the background. From the corner of his eye, he saw Dogma give a start and awkwardly rock the child, to little avail.

While Mireille merely blinked at him, Yumi frowned. "How d'you know that?"

"It's abandoned," Russell continued tonelessly. "I found him all alone in the forest. His parents had left him behind, I think." Though it probably made little difference, nothing he said was technically a lie.

Yumi stroked her chin. "Okay, better keep that in mind. Either way, we should hold that meeting, an' soon."

Mireille nodded her assent.

"That's all well and good," Dogma's voice was strained even for him, "but will someone please tell me how to calm down this baby!" By that time, the baby was bellowing like a fire alarm, his face red as a siren. Dogma kept rocking him still, but it was blatant he would rather have been anywhere else instead, even an all-day marathon of Ice Screamers.

"Um, m-maybe I can try..." Mireille stepped forward. Visibly relieved, Dogma unloaded the child onto her, and Mireille began gently swaying the baby back and forth, humming a nursery rhyme Russell vaguely recognised but couldn't sing.

It took several moments, but slowly the screams calmed to sobbing, and the sobs to silence. The child looked up at Mireille, its blue eyes huge with silent wonder.

"That's a good child." Mireille's voice was as soft and gentle as a summer breeze.

Yumi chuckled and nudged her elbow towards Dogma. "And you were doing so well, too!"

Dogma sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Regrettably, I'm not very good with children."

"Don't sweat it." Yumi looked around. "I'll go round everyone up, then—"

But there was no need to go fetch anyone. By then, the child's crying had alerted all the remaining townspeople, who were now gathering towards Mireille.

"Huh." Tabasa sounded distinctly unfazed as he looked at the baby, though Russell could tell by the curve of his eyebrows he was surprised. "Where'd you find one of those?"

"Oh, it's so cute!" Gardenia squealed and rushed to Mireille's side. "Can I hold it? Please?"

"My, that's unusual." Kantera's looked on, smiling, as Mireille gave Gardenia the baby and showed her how to hold it. "You do not see young children very often these days."

"Y-yeah, I was thinking that too," said Cody, blinking rapidly. "Where did it come from?"

"Um," Mireille's voice quavered. "R-russell said he...found it in the Dozing Forest."

"My," Kantera's mouth parted slightly. "I suppose someone must have left it there. Strange indeed."

"Why would someone leave a baby outside?" Gardenia asked, pausing to coo at the child before continuing. "Look at it! How could you ever forget it behind?"

Someone cleared their throat, causing everyone to turn. Mayor Saxon had joined the assembly without Russell noticing. "The particulars can wait for the time being. For now, we should make sure the child has everything it needs, including a place to sleep and any nourishment it might need."

"I-I shall prepare something right away!" Mireille made a quick curtsy and left for the mayor's house.

"I'll come with you!" Gardenia followed after her, walking gingerly, clearly unused to the weight of the child in her arms.

"I'll go too, I guess," Tabasa said with a quick smile. "Humans babies aren't exactly like animal babies, but maybe some things apply there that I can help with."

The remaining people waited for the trio to enter the house, then fell into a quiet, but energetic discussion. Russell stood in the same circle as them, allowing the conversation to wash over him, catching only singular words. No doubt he was expected to participate, but he could do little more than stand there and wait to see if his input was needed. He hoped it wasn't: he felt his role, except for ensuring the child would actually be taken in, had been over as soon as Dogma had accepted the baby. Whatever happened now was up to the townspeople, not him.

He felt a familiar presence behind him, and turned to see the informant right behind him.

"We need to talk," the informant said. He wasn't smiling.

Russell nodded. It was probably for the best.

No-one protested or even seemed to notice as he disengaged himself from the group and followed the informant inside his shop.

 

* * *

 

For all the colourful posters and cornflower blue furniture, Russell had always felt the information broker's shop had a hospital-like feeling to it, lurking in wait behind the embellishments. It wasn't too weird, he supposed; one could argue it was a clinic of sorts, for minds rather than bodies.

As soon as the door slammed shut behind them, the informant whirled around, focusing his full attention on Russell.

"Big day today, then?" The perpetual smile had crept back to the informant's face, but that was in no way to say that he looked happy. In fact, Russell could honestly say he had never seen him so cross.

The informant waited a moment for Russell to respond, and when he failed to do so, continued: "So, what do you think you're doing?"

"The baby would've have died if I had left it there alone." Russell was surprised by how blasé he sounded. "That's why I brought it here."

"Is that what you told yourself?" The informant's lips curled up, giving his smirk its usual cat-like quality. "Russell, that baby is a part of your dream, just like everyone else left here. It's just a figment of your imagination."

"That doesn't mean I should have left it there."

"It means it's fictional." Here, the informant turned and sat down, plopping himself onto the plush couch by the wall. With his elbow on the armrest, he propped his head up with his hand, staring intently at Russell. After all these times having it explained to you, have you still not understood how this experiment works? We're in your mind, Russell. Your guilt is the real monster here. That baby you felt so important to save is just another set-piece, and it will disappear with everything else. Today's the final day of the experiment. The time to end this world has come."

Russell said nothing.

The informant quirked an eyebrow. "Don't you want to know how to end it? There's only one thing left to do, and after that, you're free to live your life as you please."

"No."

"Have you stopped feeling guilt, then?" The informant's tone was casual, but his eyes bore holes into Russell's skull.

"I still feel it." Yes, there it was, behind a thin wall between it and his mind, screaming at him to let it in. It would find a way in soon enough, but for now, Russell's was protected by one thing: duty. He had to finish what he had started. After that, his guilt could rip him to shreds for all he cared.

"Then, you must end it now. You have to confess your sins to one of your victims. That's the only way to get rid of your guilt."

"No."

"Are you sure? If you refuse, this world will keep warping. All the people you claim to care about will end up just like the residents of other towns."

"No."

"Yes, they will." The informant stared pitilessly at Russell. "You know it's true, and denying it won't get you anywhere. There's nothing left for you here. At least by confessing, you can go back and find yourself a place in the real world."

"No."

"Alright." The informant shrugged and shook his head, still smirking. "I won't stop you. Act like a baby, then." He paused. "Hm. I suppose that's fitting enough...you think that baby is actually you, don't you? That's why you wanted to save it."

"It's not me." Russell turned to leave. "It hasn't done anything wrong."

He heard the informant stand up behind him.

"Russell." For the first time ever, Russell couldn't sense a single iota of sarcasm in the informant's voice. "You can't save anyone."

Russell didn't turn around.

"You know you can't save anyone," the informant continued. "You know it's because they're already dead. I know you feel so strongly your heart's about to burst. So why won't you confess?"

Russell bowed his head. Let his heart burst. "There's something else I need to do."

"Heh..." The informant chuckled. "We both know that's a lie. Everyone real is already gone. Now you're just playing house with a bunch of dolls in a world crumbling beneath your feet." That finally made Russell look back and glare. "Denying it won't get you anywhere. Your choice is between restitution and destruction. If you're looking for hope, well..." despite the bright lights in the shops, the informant's eyes seemed to glow. "I'm sorry to say, but that never existed."

"I know." It was true, after all. There was no unringing a bell, and no bringing people back from the dead.

"Then what are you looking for?"

Russell looked straight ahead. "Justice."

When he next turned to look back, the smile had frozen on the informant's face. His eyes, on the other hand, blazed with a sudden interest.

"You won't try to stop me?" Russell asked.

"When did I ever talk about stopping you?" The informant knit his fingers together. "At this point, I'm just along for the ride. Go ahead and do what you think is best." His smile widened. "Whatever happens, it's going to be interesting."

Russell didn't look back.

 

* * *

 

He stepped back into the twilight. All was quiet. It was good to see the town hadn't collapsed in on itself during his meeting with the informant, anyway.

He looked around. Kantera and Tabasa stood under the nearest unbroken streetlamps by the mayor's house, talking to each other in low voices. Dogma stood right by the building, a few feet away from then, muttering to himself with his arms folded.

A shiver ran down Russell's spine. For a second, he could have sworn someone was observing him, but as a quick scan of his surrounding revealed nothing, he let it slide and walked towards the other.

"Ah, Russell. Well met." Kantera flashed his eyebrows in acknowledgement as soon as he saw Russell. "You'll be glad to know that I've examined the child, and he is at optimal health."

Russell nodded. "Where is he now?"

"Sleeping inside," said Tabasa, nudging his head towards the house. "Gardenia's watching over it, I think. We told her to get some rest, but she said she's too excited to sleep."

Russell nodded again. "So everything's okay?"

"Yeah." Tabasa raised his gaze slightly skywards. "It's too small to eat solid food yet, but Dr. Kantera and Cody," Kantera bowed his head at the mention of his name, "added some herbs to milk and it could drink that just fine. Yumi went over to look if there were any clues in the forest about who might have left the kid there. The mayor's thinking of some way to contact all the towns nearby to see if we can find the parents." His smile grew rueful. "Not the easiest job with things how they are, but we'll figure it out."

Russell pointed at the still brooding Dogma. "What's with him?"

Kantera hid his mouth behind his sleeve, but his eyes danced with mirth.

Tabasa's smile returned to normal. "The kid started crying again, and we couldn't get it to calm down. Mireille remembered something she had heard about little kids and how they can only see strong contrasts, like black and white, and how that makes them relax." He gave a quick chuckle. "There wasn't much black and white around, so Yumi dragged Dogma to stand in front of the kid. It worked great, too, until the kid took one look at his face and started screaming twice as loud."

Kantera lowered his hand, his eyes still twinkling. "Alas, the sudden outburst startled Dogma, which in turn agitated the child even further..." His shoulders shook with silent laughter.

"I-it's not funny in the slightest!" Dogma had turned towards them, a mortified look on his face. "It's not so critical if animals hate me, but that child is my responsibility as much anyone else in this town. How can I take care of it if the mere sight of me makes it cry?"

"Do not allow it to vex you overmuch," said Kantera.

"Yeah." Tabasa leaned against the lamppost. "You should try to relax."

The look Dogma gave Tabasa seemed to say he might as well ask him to move Dragons' Peak with the sheer force of his mind.

"It's always like this," he muttered. "If only I knew what I was doing wrong. It's not as if the dislike is mutual, but that alone seems to mean nothing."

Kantera's eyes glinted. "Perhaps the next time you attempt to calm the child, you ought to try singing at him instead." He lowered his chin. "'Tis a well-known way to help a child to sleep, and you do have a very soothing voice."

"Hmm." Dogma straightened his back, seemingly regaining his bearings. "Y-yes, perhaps I shall attempt just that."

He gave Russell a puzzled look, like he had just noticed he was there. "Russell, where were you just now? We were rather worried when you seemed to just disappear." He grimaced. "...You really must stop wandering around on your own without telling anyone. It's not as safe around here as it used to be."

Russell shrugged. "I was just talking with the owner of the information shop."

"Oh, hey! That's a good idea." Tabasa leaned forward. "Did he have any ideas about where the kid came from?"

Russell shook his head.

"Ah. So it goes, then," said Kantera placidly. "I'm certain this will be be settled one way or another."

Russell nodded. It was easier to keep gesturing rather than form actual words. "I'll go inside for a while."

"Make sure you don't over-exert yourself!" Dogma called after him. "It's good that you show concern for others, but you shouldn't gamble with your health to do so."

"Yeah, no kidding," Tabasa tilted his head and squinted at Russell, as if trying to gauge his condition. "Get a good night's sleep after this, right?"

"Should you fall ill, I shall do what I can." Kantera wore his usual quiet smile. "Keep in mind, however, that precaution is the easiest path to good health."

Russell gave a quick glance at the concerned faces turned towards him, then stepped inside.

 

* * *

 

No-one was in the corridor, and so Russell made his way past the cracked statue towards Mayor Saxon's study. On his way there, as he happened to glance through the doorway to the dining room, his eyes were immediately drawn to a large basket lined with white linen, standing proudly on the table.

"Russell?" the voice calling for him was little more than a whisper. Cody's head appeared in the doorway. She brought her index finger to her lips, then beckoned Russell to follow her.

He did so, walking after Cody to the other end of the dining room. Once inside, he spotted Gardenia in one of the chairs, her upper body lying on the table, a half-finished mug of tea next to her limp hands. She was breathing very softly, with a calm, angelic smile on her face.

Cody kept beckoning at him until he stood next to her, then leaned closer to his ear. "She fell asleep a moment ago. Would you like some tea?"

Russell nodded. Tea was the very last thing on his mind, really, but he saw no need to refuse.

"Just a second." Cody busied herself with the kettle, then placed a steaming mug decorated with a leaf motif near Russell on the table. She sat down and pulled her own, similar mug towards, holding it with both hands. "Drink it while it's hot. Mireille made it, so it's really good."

Russell nodded and brought the tea to his lips. He tasted nothing.

Cody seemed to enjoy the tea, anyway, as she brought the her mug back down with a satisfied sigh. "If only I knew how to make tea like this," she said in a low voice. "Do you think I should ask Mireille to teach me?"

"Probably." Russell looked around. "Where is she?"

"She and the mayor are in the study." Cody glanced towards the back rooms of the house, her eyes lingering on the basket. "They're talking about what to do with the baby, of course."

Russell took another sip of the tea to give his hands something to do. His eyes, too, drifted towards the basket.

 "I heard what they said before the baby dozed off and they left the room so they wouldn't wake it," Cody continued. "The mayor will try to find the parents, if he can, but if it really was abandoned and the parents won't take it back, they're going to raise it. With our help, if we give it." She gave Russell a faint smile.

"Mmm..." Gardenia's eyes fluttered open. She took a dazed look around. "Oh. Hi, Cody." Her eyes moved on to Russell and widened. "Oh, Russell? Did I fall asleep?"

"Not for long, don't worry," said Cody. "We were talking about what to do with the baby."

"Oh, right," said Gardenia, lowering her voice. Though still sleepy, she smiled sweetly. "I mean, I really hope we find his parents, but..." her voice faded into a whisper. "I really want to be a big sister, too." She exhaled and continued in a more normal voice. "Maybe his parents will let me come and see him after we find them." She picked up her mug and took a tentative sip. Apparently content with the warmth of its contents, she drank deeply, then rubbed her eyes with the mug still in hand.

A sense of profound calmness filled the room. Both Cody and Gardenia seemed happy to wait in silence, drinking their tea and stealing occasional glances at the basket.

Earlier, in what now seemed like another life entirely, Russell would have killed for this kind of peace.

"You're not going to find the parents," he said, quickly once he had made up his mind to speak. Enough with the limbo. It was time to finish this.

Gardenia blinked, now alert. "Eh?"

Cody stared. "Russell, w-what are you saying?"

Russell took a deep breath. "I lied when I said he was abandoned. His parents are dead. I saw them die."

Gardenia gasped, then cast a pitying glance at the basket.

"W-what happened?" Cody managed to stammer. "Was it the monster?"

"It was a monster, yes." How easily the technical truth fell from his lips.

"Oh." Cody closed her eyes, looking very solemn. For a moment, Russell saw an uncanny resemblance between her and Dogma. "I guess that means...it's up to us."

Gardenia looked ready to burst into tears. "I shouldn't have said I wanted a little brother. If I had known what had happened..."

"It's not your fault, Gardenia. It's not like you wished them dead." Cody sighed. "We'll just have to figure this out.

Realisation struck Russell. It was a dull kind of impact, but it reverberated all across his body.

He had made as sure as he could the child would be cared for. His task was complete.

In other words, it was all over.

"There's something else I need to tell you." There wasn't deep enough a breath to prepare himself, so he simply continued: "I have to leave this town."

"What?" Both girls turned towards him. They stared at him like he had just sprouted horns.

"Russell, what are you saying?" Cody tried to smile. "That's not a very good joke."

"Why would you need to go?" Gardenia simply looked baffled. "You can't go! We need you here. What if the monster comes back?"

"It won't. I promise it." Russell closed his eyes when he spoke again, hoping it would make things easier. "I have to go, and I have go right now."

"Right now? In the middle of the night?!" Cody's eyes widened in utter disbelief. "But why?"

Russell shook his head. He could never tell them why. Trying to assuage his guilt? What a joke. There was no paying for what he had done with words. He would take his secret to the grave.

_"You can't save anyone."_

Maybe he couldn't. But he would try.

"N-now hold on just...you can't..." Cody stumbled, her temper flaring. "How dare you even joke about that?"

"I'm not joking."

Cody sprang up. She walked around the table, grabbed Russell by the wrist, and pulled him along past the stunned Gardenia. She sped across the corridor and slammed the door open. Russell let himself be dragged into the cool air outside without protest.

The men outside stared at them as Cody stopped, breathing heavily.

"Cody? What in Heaven's name are you doing?" Dogma demanded.

Cody ignored her brother and turned towards Russell. "Say it again," she bit. "So that everyone hears how horrible you're being."

Russell looked Cody straight in the eye. "I have to leave this town right now," he said in a clear, loud voice.

The effect was immediate.

"What? Yeah, Russell, she's right, that's not funny at all." Tabasa's eyes were as wide as Russell had ever seen them.

"I must agree!" Dogma exclaimed. "That's not something you should say even in jest!"

"Oh my." Kantera's mouth formed a perfect o. "Why would you say something like that, Russell? Unless..." His face grew serious. "Do you actually mean it?"

Russell gave a barely perceptible nod.

Kantera said nothing more. He placed his hands in his sleeves and fell into deep though, frowning.

"Y-you cannot be be serious!" Dogma protested loudly. "What possible reason can there be for you to leave?"

"Seriously, what's going on?" Tabasa remained relatively calm, but he too was frowning. "Is something wrong?"

Cody remained silent, staring at Russell with her hand loosely around his wrist, horror creeping into her eyes as she realised Russell wasn't kidding.

"Why, Russell?" Russell whirled around to see Gardenia standing in the doorway, her lip wobbling. "Why do you have to go?"

Russell could do little more than give her his most sympathetic glance. By then, he was wondering if escaping into the night without a word might have hurt the others less, but what was done was done.

"I'm needed back where I came from," he finally said. It wasn't just an untruth, but a blatant lie: nobody in the real world needed him for anything. "It's not that I want to go, but if I don't, something terrible will happen." That part was accurate, at least.

By the looks on their faces, this revelation was of little comfort to his friends.

Kantera, slowly and deliberately, removed his hands from his sleeves and brought them together in front of him. "I believe I understand."

Cody turned towards him with exasperation. "How can you?"

"Russell," Kantera's eyes met Russell's. There was a profound sadness veiled in his gaze. "This thing you must do...you will not be able to rest in peace unless you do so? Ah, yes," he continued without waiting for a response: he must've seen the answer in Russell's eyes. "Just so. In that case," he bowed his head, "you must do what you think is right."

Cody let go of Russell's wrist. "What are you saying, Dr. Kantera? Don't encourage him!"

"Cody." Dogma spoke up abruptly, looking even more mournful than usual. "This is...painful for me to say, but...I believe Russell is telling the truth. It would be wrong to stand in his way if he truly must go."

"Not you too, Brother!" Cody's resolve was clearly wavering. She gave Russell a stricken look. "Please give up on the joke, Russell. Please..."

Russell could do nothing but shake his head.

"Russell..." Cody's voice trembled. She looked away.

"Hey." Tabasa stepped forward. He was blatantly struggling to keep a smile on his face. "Look, if you really need to go, is there anything we can do for you before you leave? Feels kinda bad just turn you out without anything."

"I have everything I need." A truth, for once. He hesitated. "There's the baby, though."

"If you're concerned for the child, please allow me to assure you." It was Mayor Saxon who spoke. He and Mireille, the latter holding the now awake baby, had appeared behind Gardenia in the doorway. "I will take personal responsibility of him. He shall have everything he needs, or I will die ensuring it happens."

"M-master, please don't say things like that..." Still, Mireille managed to smile at Russell. "We won't turn away a child in need."

Dogma coughed. "I believe I speak for all of us when I say we aspire to provide for the child."

There was a general murmur of agreement. All eyes were on Russell, including the child's. No-one looked very happy, but Russell could feel their affection for him like physical force.

The wall inside him creaked.

There was a loud sob. He turned to see heavy tears streaming down Gardenia's face.

"I still don't understand why," she sobbed, wiping her tears into her sleeve. "Why do you have to go when I finally had a friend my age? Isn't there any other way for you to fix what's wrong?"

Before Russell could respond, another voice chimed in. "Howdy, folks! How come y'all out here?"

Yumi stepped into the light of the streetlamps, beaming like the now-set sun. "You really did a number on the monster's nest, Russell! Couldn't find one speck of—" She faltered, staring at the still weeping Gardenia. "Hey, what's goin' on?"

"Russell's leaving." It was the first time Cody had spoken in quite a while, and her voice sounded oddly strangled.

"Say what?" Yumi's eyes moved from Gardenia to Russell. "Yer kidding me."

Everyone shook their head, not quite synchronised, but close enough.

Yumi blinked at one person to another, her eyes widening.

"Heh." She walked over to Russell and ruffled his hair. "You're such a bad kid, breakin' people's hearts like that." She grinned. "You'd better come back, ya hear? Can't leave us hangin' like this right after becomin' the town hero."

"I hear you," Russell replied quietly.

It was as if Yumi's words had broken the spell on the people of the nameless town. Their poses relaxed, and while no-one was exactly rejoicing, the mood was no longer quite so funereal.

"Right, so." Tabasa held his hand out to Russell. "It's been great to know you."

Kantera bowed, smiling, as Russell shook Tabasa's hand. "Fare thee well."

Dogma nodded, frowning as usual, but with an indulgent air. "I shall pray for your safety."

"Russell," Cody's eyes were downcast, but her voice had returned to normal. "I hate you for doing this, but..." Her cheeks coloured. "I'm glad to have met you. Please stay safe."

"S-same here!" Mireille managed a very sweet smile. "Thank you for everything, Russell!"

Saxon gave a dignified nod. "Indeed, thank you. Be assured that you're welcome back whenever you choose to return."

"You hear that, kid? You've got a lot to come back for." Yumi's hand landed on Russell's shoulder, strong and reassuring. "So make sure you do, 'kay?"

Russell could say nothing.

The wall within him cracked.

He slipped away from under Yumi's hand and quickly walked towards the exit to the town. He could feel everyone's eyes on the back of his neck, and hear words left unspoken.

He turned.

He smiled.

He had never smiled quite like that before. It came from the bottom of his heart, trying to encapsulate everything he felt at that moment. There was regret, sorrow, and a deep, desperate wish things could have turned out differently, but above all, all-consuming love for all those who had taught him what true caring felt like.

"Thank you," he said.

He turned again.

"Wait!" Gardenia was rushing towards him. She stopped three feet away from him, her hands curled into fists. "You can't go yet! You..." She bit her lip in concentration. "You need to help us name the baby, at least!"

Russell gave her one last glance. "His name's Russell."

"Huh? He's Russell too?" Gardenia soon shook off her confusion. "Well, that definitely means you have to come back to see him! So, promise that you'll come back! Please? Promise you'll come back." She held back another sob. "Promise..."

It physically hurt Russell to turn away, but he managed it, anyway.

He stepped out of the nameless town without looking back even once.

 

* * *

 

His footsteps echoed softly as he plodded along the beaten path. His heart was beating very slowly, so slowly he knew it to be abnormal. Maybe it was just his imagination, just like the lingering feeling that someone was still watching him.

His thoughts returned to the pain he had witnessed in Gardenia's eyes, and flashes of the same in the eyes of the other villagers. Should he have simply lied and made a promise he knew he couldn't keep? Who knew. There was no going back in time.

The Incarners had vanished, leaving their carpets and boxes behind. He hoped they had just gone to rest for the night. The world had dwindled enough already without losing the market, too.

"Hey."

A familiar figure leaned against the hollowed-out tree near the road to Darcover Town. Russell changed his course and walked towards it.

The informant smiled as approached. It wasn't a smirk, for once, but a genuine smile, though one with no laughter behind it.

"I was right," he began. "It was interesting." Without waiting, he straightened himself up and dusted off his clothes. "So, where are we going?"

Russell raised his eyebrow. "You're coming with me?"

"From now on, I go where you go." The informant mimicked Russell's raised eyebrow. "So, where to?"

"Funerale."

"That would've been my pick too." The informant chuckled. "That's probably not too surprising." As he spoke, the violent green in his eyes dimmed and washed away, until nothing but blue remained.

Despite everything, Russell discovered he could smile back. "Guess not."

The informant extended his hand. "To Funerale, then."

He and Russell grasped each other's arm. Russell felt a strange warmth where their bodies connected, and when he looked at his arm, he saw the informant's body melting into his own.

He blinked, and the informant was gone. No. Rather, the informant was back where he belonged.

"To Funerale, then," he whispered.

He didn't look back.

But even without looking back, he could feel higanbana blooming in the footsteps left in his wake.

 

* * *

 

"What the hell happened?" The voice seeping into Russell's consciousness was as unfamiliar as it was agitated. Russell tried to open his eyes to assign a face to it, but his eyelids were like lead.

"Repeatedly asking that sure answers the question," the other voice was calm and somewhat caustic, and equally unknown to Russell as the first one was. Without actual appearances to give them, Russell found himself imagining the owners of the two voices as the Observers of Knowledge from Ruins of the Wise One, only wearing normal clothes instead of armour.

He tried opening his mouth. Nothing.

Since his eyes refused to budge and no other part of his body seemed the least bit likely to obey him, Russell tried to relax. As soon as he did, a scalding, all-consuming agony ravaged through him, like a serrated knife piercing his entire body at once. He focused again, and the hot pain dulled down into a dim ache.

He felt a pair of fingers on his face, and gently but inexorably, his left eye was forced open. Before he could make anything out, he was blinded by a white light flashed directly into his face.

"His pupils react to light," the unknown person Russell now thought of as the Calm One continued.

"Should we do the full diagnostics?" The owner of the other voice had relaxed a bit, but Russell still thought of them as the Excitable One.

"Better wait for a doctor." The Calm One suddenly raised their voice. "Are there any theories about what happened?"

"Yes, of course." The new voice crackling in through the speakers _was_ familiar. Russell's eyes slammed open. It was the nurse whose recordings greeted him every morning. Only, the background music used in the recordings was nowhere to be heard, so it must have been a live feed. For the first time Russell had heard her, she didn't sound unnaturally chipper. She sounded tired, and a bit spooked. "All this is still experimental. It's more than possible this is an unknown side effect of the Happy Dream medicine." She sighed. "It's too early to say anything for sure. I must go speak with the doctor responsible for him."

"Okay. Thanks," said the Calm One.

The feed crackled out.

Meanwhile, Russell was busy exploring what his body could and couldn't do. Now that he knew he could open his eyes, he could open and close them without much difficulty. He could squint, but it didn't remove the thick haze floating in front of his pupils, blocking his vision. His limbs wouldn't obey. The rest of his face wouldn't obey. It was only him and his eyes, then. That, and the overwhelming, searing pain whenever he tried to check himself out of the situation.

"Well," The Calm One broke the silence. "Nothin' to it, then."

"We can't just leave him like that!"

"Don't have much of a choice. We'll—"

They were interrupted by a high-pitched, cheerful, and above all, loud ringtone.

"Who is it?" asked the Excitable One.

There was a rustle, which Russell assumed was the Calm One digging out their phone. "Someone from Dreamsend, with any luck. Oh, great," they said without enthusiasm. "It's the ponce."

"Think he knows what's going on?"

"Only one way to find out." Russell heard a light tap on a screen. "Hello, Walter?"

Strain his ears though he might, Russell couldn't discern the voice on the other end of the call. He had to contend himself with the Calm One's side of the conversation.

"Yeah, we're there right now." A pause. "Looks like locked-in syndrome." A longer pause. "No, I'm not an expert. Any idea what happened in the dream?" They tapped their foot as they listened on. "Right, so it went fine until..." Another pause. "What?" A longer pause still. "He did _what?_ "

"Put him on speaker already!" The Excitable One demanded.

The Calm One obeyed.

Walter's voice in the real world was identical to his voice in the dream, only slightly distorted by the phone. "As I was saying, the experiment still followed its intended path at the time we finished with the evacuation process. There was nothing to suggest the subject wouldn't be able to succeed."

"So you don't actually know what's up?" the Excitable One sounded disappointed.

"...Fortunately, I stayed behind after the evacuation was complete. I intended to observe how the end would truly play out."

"What? But that's dangerous!"

"It was a calculated risk. I'm completely intact, and had I not done so, there would be several more questions we'd have no answers to."

"Yeah, great. What actually happened?" the Calm One interrupted.

Walter remained silent for a moment, as if recounting the events in his mind before describing them out loud. Russell allowed his concentration to slip for an instant, only to immediately pull back as the invisible torture began again.

"As intended, the subject — Russell, I mean — set off to confront the core of his derangement. According to the theory, after said confrontation, he would have returned to where the dream began, and ended it voluntarily by confessing what he had done to one of the people in his dream." Walter paused. "He did return. But with a child."

"Wait, what?!" Russell could practically hear the Excitable One's jaw drop. "Where'd he get a kid?"

"From the core. From what I can gather, it's a reflection of Russell himself as a small child, and played a part in the confrontation. Regardless, he offered the child up to the residents of his dream, who were quick to assume care of it."

"Wow." The Excitable One sounded almost impressed.

"Wow indeed," the Calm One said icily. "But how did that land him in this state?"

Walter sighed. "I was just about to tell you. After he had entrusted others with the care of the child, he left the town. He rejoined with the fragmented part of his consciousness, then headed to Funerale. It's another town in his dream world," he added to explain. "It's inspired by Eastern funerals and perceptions on death."

"Oh yeah, when I read his case file it said—" the Excitable One began.

"Shh," went the Calm One.

"I followed from some distance, naturally, but managed to witness the salient parts. Once in Funerale, he headed straight into the building nearest to the entrance." Walter paused. "It proved to be a crematorium. Without hesitating, he walked to one of the ovens."

A stunned silence fell.

"...I don't think I want to hear the rest of this," the Calm One cringed. "Who would choose something like that?"

"A deranged maniac, apparently." Walter sounded as nonchalant as ever. "Everything I saw suggests he was fully aware of what he was doing, though not necessarily of its full ramifications."

The silence resumed its reign.

"Hold on, though," the Excitable One finally said. They sounded far quieter than usual. "I still don't understand how he ended up like this. Shouldn't dying in the dream have made him wake up?"

"That's where the curious part begins." For the first time since the beginning of the discussion, there was a hint of uncertainty in Walter's voice. "We don't know how...but it appears he's still dreaming."

"That can't be," the Calm One protested. "The effects of the Happy Dream medicine should be out of his system by now."

"Unless this is another side effect," the Excitable One muttered so quietly Russell wasn't sure anyone but he heard.

"We are as puzzled by this development over here as you are over there. It still appears to be true, however. We tried re-accessing the dream, and it worked without a single complication. Moreover," Russell could practically hear Walter frown. "The dream world appears to be mending itself."

The Excitable One breathed in sharply. "Say what?"

"The parts of Russell's dream ravaged by his guilt have began reverting to their original state. The inhabitants destroyed during the corruption seem to be gone, but the survivors and the environment itself are recuperating at a rapid pace. The town Russell lived in is especially intact. We cannot vouch for the residents fully until we make contact with them, but from what we can tell by observing from afar, their behaviour and personalities are unchanged, save for the addition of the child to their number."

Slowly, the Excitable One spoke again. "So what you're saying is, even though the medicine is used up, Russell's still in the dream—"

"He's there as bones and ashes, yes."

"—And the world and the dream people are still acting like they should and living on without him?"

"I believe that's the issue in a nutshell, yes."

"Huh." There was a pause. "I don't really know what to do with that."

"I do," the Calm One said darkly. "It means he managed to escape his guilt in the end."

"Did he, now?" Walter's voice grew wry. "I wouldn't be so sure."

The Calm One bristled. "Are you just disagreeing with me out of habit, or do you have an actual point to make?"

"There's a point. We have to remember that in the context of the dream, Russell is dead. At the same time, he is alive and possibly conscious in our world. Putting religion aside...after beginning my research on dreams, I've realised we don't know what happens to someone who's dead. It may well be he's entered some kind of an afterlife while still alive. Alternatively, Thomas Hardy once wrote—"

"Here we go again," the Calm One muttered.

"Hmph. Very well. To summarise, until additional research, I am going to assume Russell continues to be conscious of what's happening to him in the dream. How that feels I wouldn't hazard to guess."

_Burning hot needles in every inch of his flesh._

"If there's any truth to karma, that kid's roasting in Hell," the Calm One said bitterly. They continued in a more normal tone: "Anyway, it's time we report this ahead. Send your people's statement over as soon as you can."

"Will you report this ahead as a success or a failure?"

"It's a mystery!" the Excitable One chimed in.

"Shut up." The Calm One seemed to consider the matter. "Failure, I guess. A different kind of failure than the usual, but failure anyway."

"Hmm." There was a pregnant pause. "Yes, we cannot report this ahead as success. However...what happened is curious enough that it merits further study." Walter paused again. "Since our encounters with people in dreams have made them appear, at least superficially, identical to real people, there has been some discussion about how closely the residents of the test subjects' dreams resemble actual human beings. We haven't been able to do much research in the topic for fear of distrupting the rehabilitation experiment. Here, however, is the perfect opportunity for study. We can't let it go to waste."

"...I see you point." The Calm One hesitated. "Gonna be an ethical minefield if it turns out dream people count as people."

"That's the price of science. At the very least, it won't take much paperwork to ensure the dream continues. Since Russell has already been sentenced to death, and failed to reach the goal necessary for a pardon, well..."

"Yeah, he can stay asleep. Fine. I'll do what I can. Assuming Dreamsend is behind you on this, it should be a shoo-in."

"Good. I'll speak with you later." Walter's voice cut off.

"Pfft." Cloth rustled as the Calm One stashed their phone away. "Should get an IV for the kid, probably" they mumbled to the Excitable One.

"You're really gonna ask them to keep him alive?"

"Ponce or not, Walter's got a point. Both Dreamsend and the government will want to look into this. No idea what this means for the future of the experiment yet, but..." Russell squinted his eyes open. He could make out nothing but lights and shadows, but still managed to recognise the movement of the most prominent shadow as a shrug. "The kid's probably going to live for a long time still. If you call that living."

"Think he's really suffering?"

"Dunno. Don't care, either."

"I kinda do." The Excitable One's voice grew soft. "Did you read his file? Poor kid."

"If I were you, I'd save my pity for his victims."

"What good is that going to do them? They're dead!"

"For the victims' families, then." Russell heard the lock on the heavy door to the room click. "C'mon. We've got work to do."

Footsteps echoed in the room, and the door slammed shut. The room became a sepulchre.

Russell's leg itched. He tried to shift himself before remembering his body had turned into a prison.

He was acutely aware that every time he even approached sleep, he was whisked back to the dream and into what remained of his body in it. How bones and ashes could feel such pain, he didn't know, but every second spent as them hurt as much as the moment after the door to the furnace had slammed shut and the flames had swallowed him.

He also knew that in that same dream, somewhere beyond his reach, his friends still existed, continuing on with their carefree lives. They weren't the same lives he had stolen in the first place — there was no bringing back the dead — but they were _lives_ , he knew, of kind, gentle people who deserved to live.

There was the child, too. The child who had done nothing wrong. The child who deserved a chance.

And despite the screaming agony waiting behind his eyes whenever he relaxed, despite the mounting horror at the knowledge what the rest of his life would be like, despite the fact he couldn't actually contort his face,

Russell smiled.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [And Thusly...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13275036) by [Natsumiya_Teirin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natsumiya_Teirin/pseuds/Natsumiya_Teirin)




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